Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead

Every once while a film comes along that just makes you glad to be alive.  Zombie Ass is not that film but it does not make you regret being alive.  It fills you with that glorious question, "what in the hell is wrong with the people in Japan?"

Zombie Ass: Toilet of the dead is not a simple story it lies below simple.  The plot (if we can over zealousy use the word) is of a group of kids heading out to the woods to catch trout.  These kids, three girls and two boys, don't have your normal reasons to catch a fish.  The cliche bitch of the group Maki, has heard that parasites living in fish are good for losing weight.  Her, Aya, and the hero of our film Megumi head down to the stream.  The men stay behind to build tents.  Megumi who is well versed in the martial arts catches a trout with just a net.  Maki gets her parasite out of the fish and proceeds to swallow it.

Just to diverge from the plot and discuss characters for a second.  The people are at best cliche.  We have our three girls, the bitch, the hero, and her best friend.  The guys are the drugged out loser and the nerd.  Now none of these characters ever reach farther than these basic characteristics.  The hero is the only one with any backstory.  The only other characters in the film are a scientist and his daughter, Sachi.  Well, the only ones with speaking lines, there are a shitload of zombies.  You don't come to a film called Zombie Ass though expecting William Faulkner.

A zombie gets all handsy with Maki.
Back to the plot.  Maki starts to develop sharp pains in her tummy.  This seems like a common sense reaction from eating a parasite ripped from a trout.  These tummy problems lead to Maki needing to drop a proverbial load.  She runs to a nearby outhouse.  As she struggles to drop some friends off at the pool, a zombie comes from the toilet.  This leads to our group being attacked by zombies who all emerge from this questionable shitter.

They all run from these badly stained creatures.  Maki of course is still reeling from her gastroniomical distress.  She falls over and an ugly looking tapewrom like creature pops out from her anal region.  Maki is now one of the bad guys.

Now, the zombies are rather poorly done.  You don't come to a film called Zombie Ass expecting effects by Rick Baker.  The tapeworm creatures or Nekudogerodo as they are called in the film are pretty well done.  These creatures basically crawl into your brain and eat it.  When they are threatened they make the zombie bend over and emerge partially from their ass to defend themselves.

The Nekudogerodo defending itself.

All right, Maki is a zombie crawling on all fours with a mutant tapeworm head sticking out of her ass.  Megumi has led the rest to a village.  Our group is quickly attacked by zombies.  Megumi fights these zombies with her superior fighting skills.  The zombies however are numerous.  She is quickly overwhelmed and the other members of her group are indeed quite useless.  Luckily for her, a local scientist bursts in and saves them.  He drags them all to his well barricaded abode.

The group sit around eating.  The scientist introduces them to his daughter, Sachi.  As they sit around the druggie's head starts to grow in size and throb.  The scientist asks if he was bitten and of course he was.  The scientist explains that the tapeworm is in his system and is having an adverse backlash to the copious amounts of drugs in his system.  In a few short seconds his head explodes all over the room.  Aya who was dating this loser decides she needs a shower.

The Scientist and our crew after watching the druggie's head explode.
Megumi comes down to the shower room as Aya washers herself.  Aya ask her to join her as she doesn't want to be alone.  I hear you pervs out there going bow chicka wow wow.  There is no sex in this scene.  Megumi just strips down and tells Aya about her past.  Megumi has trained herself to be a badass fighter because her sister was bullied.  These bullies tried to flush the sister's head in a toilet and demanded she fart.  Megumi comes in and says she will fart in her place.  Her sister says no that Megumi has to stay beautiful and must not fart.  So, sis lets out a blaster for the record books.  She feels so ashamed by this that she throws herself off a balcony and kills herself.  Tears flow from the sadness not the vapors let off by the now dead sister.  Megumi vows never to fart again.

All right back into our main plot.  Megumi and Aya have finished with there bathroom confessional.  Megumi wanders off and sees our scientist doing some weird things.  He has his daughter on a gurney.  He is beating a zombie in the stomach with a baseball bat.  The zombie pukes out the tapeworm.  The scientist feeds his daughter the tapeworm.  He than proceeds to force her to crap out the tapeworm already in her system.  Megumi is disgusted and tries to get her group away from this madmen.

Okay, I know I've sold you on this winner of a film.  You want to watch it and want to discover the rest for yourself.  Well, I will let you because to  describe the rest would just plain ruin it.  I will shine a light on the moral though.  In the end Megumi decides she needs to live for herself.  She wants to fart damn it.  Even though she loved  her sister she needs to let the wind fly.  In fact she's built up so much gas that when she lets the dogs of war out, she takes off like a jet.  This moral though is very important though.  We can't let others control who we are.  We must let our inner selves out.  If that means we cut the cheese, than we must.  We don't have much time in this world so let's enjoy it.  This movie taught me so much that I farted at least eight times while writing this review.

So, should you see this film?  Yes, with a group as it is more enjoyable that way.  This is just the stupidest not give a shit about logic movie you will ever see.  This isn't Citizen Kane but it is the Citizen Kane of ass raping tapeworms movies.  It's available for instant streaming on Netflix.